(Now that more people are reading this, I think I should give you all a warning. My blog is what is considered "Creative Non-Fiction. This means that my blogs are based on true stories, but many things will be exaggerated for entertainment purposes. So if I type something like "AND THEN I RAN TWENTY FIVE MILES", don't worry about me passing out, because I probably ran like half a mile. So just keep in mind that my blog is creative-non fiction and enjoy =) )
So I'm on Myfitness pal, reading about everyone and their friendships and their success and their associative-networkness, and I'm thinking that I should do that too! So I type up a little intro about why I want to lose weight, and why you should be my friend, expecting to get like.. a friend...who friends me out of pity.
I get a reply! A see a little red "1" by my friends request and virtually prance my way to my requests page to happily greet my new friend.
In half an hour, I had three new friends! I won't mention names for fear of offending, but I will spin a tale of our overwhelming friendship!
My first friend is very pretty. I remember seeing her hair and saying "I want your hair!" because it's really long and awesome. Her fiancé is really far away ): Mine is too! But that makes us friends! Yaay. We're going to get thin and wear bikinis and prance down the beach and watch as the entire men people bow before our shimmering splendor. (Okay, not really, I just want to go to the beach)
My second friend is FAMOUS. Yes, that's right, be jealous, because you are reading the blog of a girl who is MFP friends with a FAMOUS GUY. I'll give you a hint. He's a plumber, he always wears a red hat, and he's Italian. We're going to get thin and SAVE THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM TOGETHER!
My third friend is apparently a cat. At least that's what she has as her picture. But she's very cute. We're going to be fit enough to escape the zombies when they come to eat our brains.
Those were my three new friends. When I made my new friends, I decided that I was going to write a blog to motivate myself, and in my intro thread I asked if people might want to read it. My famous friend and my pretty friend both commented on my blog and I was so happy! I was tired, though, and I headed off to bed.
I woke up this morning and logged on to MFP thinking "I bet at least one more person has read my blog"
I woke up to 70 votes, and 30 comments! On my blogs! I didn't understand why so many people liked my strewing of words across virtual paper, but they DID. My mundane life with my muffins and my Nazi Wii had garnered me a following, and I felt awesome. I imagined myself under glittering stars on a pedestal, signing "DavyHolly" on people's printouts of my blog. I was blogfamous. Not only that, but in my imagination I was thin, because so many people gave me awesome ideas in the comments. Dark cocoa almonds swirled about me like magic. The sweet sound of a blender making various smoothies sang a sweet symphony in the distance.
I realized in that moment that my blog was my key to success. I couldn't let down all my new friends. I MUST BLOG OR NOT BE A GOOD FRIEND. I had a new life now, with friends and popularity, and I must preserve it at all costs.
After reading all of my comments, and thanking people for their encouragement, I went off to weigh myself.
I'd lost eight pounds.
My mind began to conjure up justifications for how I’d lost eight pounds in only a few days. Then it came to me. The well kept secret, the holy grail of weight loss.
*Deep inside my body, there are little fuzzballs that I have deemed "happies". These happies are much like white blood cells or anti-bodies, which attack bad things in your body. Happies are a type of cell, unannounced by science, that attack and maul the things that make you sad. Like fat cells. Happies lay dormant in your bloodstream, waiting for a signal from your heart that you are happy. Happiness signals the happies to destroy things that make you sad, in order to be sure that your joy is not terminated prematurely.
With each comment on my blog, and each vote up, my new friends had unknowingly activated my happies, and they went on a fat decimating spree of terror. Of. Terror.
And that's how I lost 8 pounds.
*This theory has not been evaluated by science or science people. It’s just my theory, and I can have it if I want to.
But, seriously, thank you all SO much who read and commented on my blog! It means so much to me, you guys have no idea. I hope you guys like this one, and all the ones in the fuuuture.
If you liked this issue, I'd love it if you'd rate it! You don't have to, though =) It's the little arrowy-thing underneath. This helps me know which blogs you guys liked best, and which you didn't, so I can base future blogs on what's the best! I think you can also subscribe to be notified of new issues, but I'm not actually sure xD But you can be my friend! And then you'll know. I love friends.
To be updated on future blogs, and to vote for future issues and be in on idea discussion, join the "Happies Activate!" group. =)
No comments:
Post a Comment